i finally got my laptop.
and i have nothing to do.

IDLE.

anyways.
it is a sad thing to realise that there is no turning backs in life, we can only move on.

sighs. sighs. sighs.

apparently i have awoken to the fact that i have screwed up a part of my life so badly that it stays like an ugly scar.
so I'll keep that in mind and never allow myself to screw my life up again.

meanwhile, just let me squat down in a dark lonely corner and cry.

for this moment, all i want to say is: I LEAD A SAD LIFE.
(although i know there are many out there that leads sadder lives, oh, just let me complain for once.)

okay I'm done crying.

sometimes some sins committed just cannot be forgiven.
and i cant forgive myself for some of the things i have done.

there are so many people(okay, not alot exactly, only 2 in my mind) that i cant bring myself to face.
for the things i have done to them, directly and indirectly.

i am really really sorry.

sighs.

since now i have awoken to this fact, i shall do something to salvage the situation, so that when i die, i wont regret as i know i have tried.