i am so very depressed and relieved at the same time.

and this is annoying.

sighs.

its like how your life proceeds is influenced by your decisions and also others' decisions.
so sometimes some things happen which is not within your control.
and so you can't control it happening or not.
it just happens.

and the best thing you can do is move on with your life, be the thing that happened good or bad, and hope that the things that will happen after that will be better.

sighs.

i am finally continuing with my violin lessons on fridays after work.
this is going to be tiring but i can do it.
make myself busy with things so that i don't have time to think about other things.
and this is great.

i love my job for now.
yayness.

i have been escaping tasks since i have the natural incapably nua(literally = soft) look.
and i dont even have to do anything.

YES.

i escaped another one.

and anyways weiling said "im at brightsparks website now trying to figure out myfuture"
and i was like LOL but to the point:

i realised that there isnt anything i want in my life except to be happy and contented and making my family and loved ones happy too.

so is that a sad thing?

my goal is like nothing compared to others who wants to achieve so much.

theres nothing much i want to achieve.

really.

sighs.

so when people ask me what i want to be, what i want to study, my answer is theres nothing in particular.
and they will be like, how can i be so aimless blah blah, i should think more about my future in order to be successful...
but i dont really have anything that i want to do in mind.
i think i can do anything, as they come along.

i think im just not someone who can see further than 2 weeks?
i cant even remember things that happened yesterday.

so im having this horrible back and shoulder ache that is killing me.
i think i need medical help soon.
urgh.

i love this dress!